Conflicted because my boyfriend spends lots of time serving in church
My boyfriend and I are both Christians. However, he is more involved than I when it comes to serving the church. He spends 3-4 nights at church for meetings. We don’t get much time together because of this. I feel he may be better off dating someone with the same level of commitment. On the other hand, I’m glad he is serving the Lord so wholeheartedly. How should I move forward or talk to him about this?
Benny says
Dear Conflicted,
I’m curious as to why you ask if you should move on or have a talk with your boyfriend. Are these options mutually exclusive? Even if you decide to “move on”, surely it should involve a conversation with him so that he knows the reason for your decision.
Perhaps your conflict is over whether to support his interest and commitment in church work or whether he should give some of it up for you and the relationship. Do you feel that your needs are of lesser importance? Or do you also feel that you are a “lesser” Christian in not having the same degree of commitment to church work as him?
Surrendering him to church sounds like an altruistic move, while the other seems like a selfish, yet personally important, move. But are we privileging the sacred over the secular? Would God view your circumstances in the same manner? I recall that human activities like a wedding feast, drawing water from a well or fishing can have great spiritual meaning too. Perhaps, deepening a relationship is just as spiritually important as doing church work.
Speak with your boyfriend to see if your feelings and plans for your relationship are aligned. But speak with your head held high and with no apology for wanting more clarity.