CNY gathering at stake with family tensions
CNY is when families gather, (re)unite and celebrate kinship bonds, like how my family used to over our reunion dinner. However, there’s been a growing rift between my dad and sister, and they’re hardly on speaking terms these days. My parents, both non-believers in their 70s, live with her and her family so it’s three generations under one roof. They disagree on nearly everything since their values and priorities differ. I’ve been praying that CNY might be a good time and place to reconcile but am not sure how to go about this.
Ai Jin says
Dear hotpot,
I agree with you that major observances such as CNY present opportunities and important reasons that call for a special gathering. For some families, it involves catching up with relatives—grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins and perhaps this can help generate conversations and offer a distraction over the conflict between your dad and sister. Would you organise the reunion dinner? Would it be better to have it at a restaurant or at your sister’s home? If it is at a restaurant, it could take the preparation load off your sister and parents, and everyone can have a more relaxed meal out. The reunion dinner held at home, however, could also compel your dad and sister to face its meaning of togetherness, celebrating kinship and therefore embrace reconciliation in the home.
Being able to eat together can help facilitate conversations for a time, but the daily living under one roof perpetuates the tension. If the differences between your dad and sister are not discussed and resolved, the problem may not go away. While you can offer a listening ear to each of them to alleviate tension and to bridge understanding between them, reconciliation is their responsibility. Each must be willing, be flexible to give way and be open to consider the other person’s point of view, negotiate expectations and reach compromises. May God answer your prayers and give you wisdom and favour as you plan the reunion dinner and may there be healing for hurts and restored hearts during this season of family gathering.