Can’t click with my cell group mates who are older

I’ve been attending cell group for a few years but the level of interaction is at acquaintance level and we usually just talk about the Bible. I’m the youngest in the cell group and the rest are clearly in a different phase of life. The topics the elderly talk about always centre around bodily pains and the married ones talk about their kids. I’m the only single and while I empathise with them, I feel like we do not have the same interests. It’s very difficult to click with them in a more intimate manner. I’ve tried visiting another cell group with people closer to my age, but it felt awkward. How do I build intimate relationship with cell group mates?

Li Ping says

Dear Friend,

Have you shared your concerns with your cell group leader(s) and sought his/her/their advice? Let me address two assumptions I hear in your question about building intimate relationships:

You are right about it taking more than just Bible study! Relationships are built primarily through activities that build relational joy and attachment, such as eating, playing and doing life together. While these can be part of a cell group meeting, much takes place in informal occasions in between. Do attend these activities if your cell group has them or you can initiate them.

Your other assumption about relating more easily with others in the same life phase is not necessarily true, as your own experience in the other cell group has shown. Much depends on members’ intentionality to nurture relationships and show genuine love.

Activities like the following (mentioned in The Other Half of Church: Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation by Jim Wilder & Michel Hendricks) can also build relational intimacy in any group. Consider introducing them to your group.

Build relational joy. Select one member and have others share something they are grateful for in this person. When all have shared, repeat with another member and so on.
Practise sharing and receiving weakness. Go round in the circle and share:

A physical weakness (e.g. backache, illness). Everyone responds by saying together “Lord Jesus, help us.” Repeat until all have had a chance to share.
A relationship weakness (e.g. broken friendship, family problem). Everyone responds by saying together “Lord Jesus, help us.” Repeat until all have had a chance to share.
A character weakness. This is the most challenging, so begin with a low or medium level character flaw.

1. Spend one minute in silence asking Jesus to show you something he likes about you.
2. Spend another minute asking him to reveal a character weakness he wants you to share with the group.
3. Go around the circle and share what God revealed in (a) and then (b).
4. Everyone responds by saying, “Lord Jesus, help us.” Do not comment or give advice.