Cell leaders seem to be pushing us out of the group
We feel that our cell leaders have been trying to push our family out of the group. When a cell group for parents was formed, we were asked to lead the singles/no-kids cell group even though we were expecting. Later on, we joined the parents cell group. But over the years, we experienced subtle exclusion and being ignored at church. It has been hurtful, especially as our children are growing up in the same church community. What is the right thing to do?
Rev Joey Chen says
Dear Trying to Do the Right Thing,
The thought that your cell leaders might be trying to push you out of the cell group must be painful. And the fact that you have remained in the cell group tells me that you have been trying to do the right thing.
In situations like this, the best course of action is to have an honest, non-accusatory conversation with them about how you feel. Matthew 5:24 emphasises the importance of dealing with interpersonal issues directly, with the goal of making peace. Go with an openness to hear their side of the story; the situation could be different from what you imagined. The purpose of the conversation is to seek clarity, and not to accuse. You can try saying, “I have been struggling with the feeling that you don’t want me in the cell group. Whether there are issues I’m unaware of, or a misperception on my part, I’d like to have an honest conversation and resolve matters.” Approach the meeting with openness and humility, ready to discover if you have perceived things wrongly or had a part to play in the situation. The goal here is to make peace with your cell leaders.
The fruitfulness of the conversation will depend on both parties’ willingness to be loving, vulnerable and transparent. Be aware that one’s hurts (whether from the current situation or similar past situations) can affect our perception of events. If your hurts feel overwhelming, prepare yourself first resolving as much of the hurts as you can with God in prayer.
If the issue remains unresolved after that conversation, invite a neutral mediator from the church (following the spirit of Philippians 4:2-3). Begin with someone from the cell group if possible. If that doesn’t help, go up the line of authority: the zone/cluster leader overseeing, the cell ministry church staff, and finally, a pastor. If all avenues have been exhausted and there’s still no resolution, surrender the situation to God, and trust him to resolve it in his time. Seek the counsel of your church leaders on how you can move on from the hurts while remaining part of the church family (e.g. exploring the option of joining another cell).