On my most recent flight, I watched the movie “Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu”, a sequel of the exploits of Din Djarin, a bounty hunter of the Mandalorian warrior clan, and his apprentice, Grogu. The phrase “this is the way” is occasionally uttered as affirmation of the key creeds of the Order of Mandalorian. One tenet the movie highlights is that not only is it right for the elders to protect the young but also for the young in turn to protect their elders.
I thought, if only this were true also in real life and not just in the movies. Why should such a wishful statement even need to be made? After all, are we not all taught to respect and honour our elders? Is not the family unit a centrepiece of what makes our society strong? Are we not reminded to give up our seats on the bus or train to an elderly commuter instead of doom scrolling on our phones?
As Singapore has crossed the threshold to being a super-aged society, with one in five citizens over the age of 65, there is a greater need to be caring towards the elderly. The ageing profile of our population is happening at breakneck speed with the median age now being 44 years, a stark change from 17 years at the point of our nation’s independence. As a result, many of us are experiencing two life-changing events at the same time—caring for elderly parents while reaching the zenith point or crest in our careers.
Whether actively employed or coasting towards retirement, what awaits those who have spent most of their life in the workforce? A leisurely lifestyle—playing golf or pickleball, going on holidays or cruises, or retiring in some idyllic retirement village in Chiangmai or Batam—quickly loses its shine. Instead, many Singaporeans get involved in grandparenting.
I recognise that many may instinctively flinch at the idea of changing diapers or having to endure screaming grandchildren. But if they cast their minds back, they were probably brought up by an extended family clan. It may not be grandma or aunty or the maid who was the primary caregiver, but we certainly appreciated the help our elders extended.
Another thing I am noticing is parents giving a leg-up to their children for their first property purchase. Property prices are skyrocketing and so are the aspirations of the young. The days of asset appreciation our parents enjoyed are over. My family home was a three-room flat costing $15,000. It went up to 10 times its value about 30 years later, then to $450,000 and now to almost twice that. More and more, parents are thinking of downgrading and unlocking the value gained to help their children. I think the Mandalorian would approve.
What about the reverse of children caring for parents? I say it is never too early to begin and we should not be apologetic about this. My wife was moved by how by how our six-year-old nephew held his mother’s hand while using an overhead bridge. And our two-year-old grandson said, “Careful, grandmisk” (his term for grandma) as she was cleaning the mess he made while eating. Or was he somehow trying to make up for doing something he should not have, we wondered.
Enlisting the services of our little elves is another way of starting them early. Do you notice how eager they are to try their hand at various things? I believe the Mandalorian would approve of these early acts of service, however imperfectly done.
Let me end with an interesting fact. Before the early church took on the name Christians, they were called people of The Way. Regardless of how the creators of Star Wars came up with the phrase, the Mandalorian way of living guided by values of compassion and kindness by the young for elders and vice versa makes infinite sense for any society.
Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars. Benny has helmed the You & Your Family column for more than 20 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.
