I seem to have lost a friend

I have always looked up to a sister from a former church. She is an intercessor like me and I learned from her spiritual insights. I am an introvert; she has been my only best friend for the past 40 years. We meet once a year over Christmas. When her husband passed away 10 years ago, my friend slowly changed her behaviour. She became forceful and assertive over time. Last year she abruptly broke off the friendship and we didn’t meet at Christmas. I have been praying for God to restore our friendship but my prayer is still unanswered. I am hurting over the loss of a cherished friendship. My faith in God is badly shaken. Emotionally and spiritually, I feel rejected, lonely and vulnerable. It’s hard to make new friends.

Ai Jin says

Dear Emotional and spiritually empty,

This is a long-time friendship that you’ve cherished, hence the loss and hurt is great. While you have been praying to God to restore the friendship, the lack of an outcome that you have hoped for makes praying seem futile and as a result has discouraged you emotionally and spiritually.

If you continue to focus on negative outcomes, you inadvertently allow that to become the measure by which you view God’s goodness and faithfulness, and this perception is not helpful. Restoring the friendship is also dependent on your friend’s circumstances and her response. Would you instead fix your eyes on God, who is the source of comfort and love and draw upon his assurance and companionship?

While praying and waiting, would you preoccupy yourself with other areas of your life? For example, putting your thoughts and time on a new project at work or in ministry and serve in a need area that feels rewarding for you? Or pick up a hobby or interest that is enjoyable? Take small steps to motivate yourself to rebuild your relationship with God. When you do so, may the Holy Spirit fill you also with increasing desire to be in community and fellowship with others.