You & Your Family

I opened the counselling session with one of my usual questions to the couple: “How have things been?” The wife did not answer first; she wanted to see how her husband would respond. He paused and thoughtfully said, “Overall, things are better. We are improving, but we are still quarrelling.” To appreciate his response, we […]

  As a family and marital therapist, I sometimes feel discouraged when working with a client who has decided to end their marriage. Like most of my professional peers, I see myself as helping rebuild marriages, not powerlessly witnessing their breakups. There is many a counsellor who wonders if they could have done more to […]

I once participated in a radio interview during which the presenter and I focused on the topic of emotional and psychological abuse by spouses. While some attention has been given to physical violence and laws exist to protect victims, there is so much more to be done for emotional and psychological abuse, which are not […]

People are creatures of habit. Some habits, such as a habit of saving, serve us well. Others, like broken records, churn out the same tunes with annoying repetition. Some interpersonal conflicts resemble broken records. Although we see the futility of engaging in them, we seem powerless to resist the urge to be drawn into them.

The Christmas season draws out a mix of emotions. Many families celebrate Christmas with feasting and merrymaking. Others dread the rush to buy the obligatory presents. Still others may feel sad if Christmas is associated with loss or loneliness. For those who are struggling with the pain of loss or loneliness, I am confident that […]

Of late, diversity has been a buzzword and is often seen as desirable. We see diversity in families too.  Within a family, there might be grandparents who belong to the Pioneer Generation, parents who are Baby Boomers, and children who are Generation X or Y. Some family members might be more westernised in world view […]

  She caught me right after service and confronted me with what seemed more like a statement than a question: “You crossed yourself. Are you Catholic?” I had made the sign of the cross during the service, not expecting anyone to notice. I had first learnt to do it when training to be an Anglican […]

The flight was unusually turbulent, with the seatbelt sign flashing frequently and the pilot urging everyone to stay seated. Due, perhaps, to having watched too many documentaries on air crash investigations, I imagined the plane’s wings being ripped off from all the shaking, bringing imminent death. I began to wonder: Who would miss me? Would […]

Within the same week in the past month, the media reported the separate suicides of two well-known personalities—Kate Spade, a fashion designer, and Anthony Bourdain, a celebrity chef. The tragedy of suicide leaves behind many loved ones and friends in confusion and distress. Experts estimate that for every self-inflicted death, six people are left behind […]

While holidaying in Strunjen, Slovenia, I saw salt pans where salt has been extracted for seven centuries. In its heyday, demand was so high that the sea salt was called ‘white gold’. I could not help but think that salt is now so widely available that we take it for granted. We notice it only […]

Do you have a favourite prayer, one you often say or which resonates with you? One popular prayer is the Serenity Prayer (attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr). A widely-used, abbreviated version is: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the […]

Every semester, I ask my counselling students to reflect on how their family has influenced their development. On average, one out of every three has stories of family strife. Some come from families where there is parent-child conflict. Others experience sibling rivalry. Parental favouritism may come into play too. Conflicts and disunity may also cross […]