You & Your Family

The 12 men came on stage as the opening item. Ranging in age from the early 40s to late 60s and dressed in blue jeans and T-shirts, they looked confident and determined. Linking arms they began to sway and sing to the tune of Robbin Williams' song "A Better Man". The lyrics, however, had been re-written by one of the men.

As someone who has been involved in the cause of ending violence in the family for more than 30 years, I am somewhat gratified to see and hear of more people speaking out against toxic masculinity. This version of masculinity— the way some men think about themselves, their roles, values, behaviour and, more importantly, how they relate to women—is toxic or harmful to others, the community and themselves.

He sat scowling and with eyes intently fixed on me throughout the first part of our meeting. Even when correcting some of what his wife and son had said, he never once took his eyes off me. It made me feel a little uncomfortable.

The email was unexpected. After all, the couple, my clients for the past eight months, were doing well in their relationship and I had witnessed mutual concern for each other's wellbeing.

The biblical account of Jesus hanging on the cross, a cruel instrument of capital punishment the Roman Empire reserved for its worst criminals, tells of two others who were being crucified beside him. One of the criminals cried out to Jesus for mercy and forgiveness.

My wife and I had the opportunity recently to visit and observe up close some couples—all married for more than 20 years—who appeared as different as chalk and cheese.

Life's stories do not always have happy endings. Often, the endings are unexpected. Now this may fly in the face of some of us who consider ourselves somehow protected or blessed in life. Some believers may also hold fast to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 of his plans to prosper and not to harm.

The final exam of a counselling course I teach involves my students analysing and proposing a plan of action for a hypothetical case. In addition to writing an essay to demonstrate their analytical skills, they do a role play.

Love is often associated with ideas of romance, roses, soft-focus pictures and gentle, kind words. Toughness, being stern and exacting, seem to be diametrically opposite. Yet many of us would have heard of “tough love”. What is it?

A scenario I sometimes use when training counsellors is one of a family in conflict over a daughter's wish to live with her boyfriend. After a year of living at home after returning from three years of study abroad, the daughter says her boyfriend from overseas is moving to Singapore to work and they plan to live together.

Some of you would have experienced getting a wood splinter embedded in your hand. As you try to extract the splinter, bits may come away but some remain stubbornly buried. You then fluctuate between finding ways to remove it and ignoring it while hoping that it will somehow disappear.

The proverb, "The apple does not fall far from the tree", speaks of the idea that we each carry something within us that is from our parents. It could be a physical characteristic (like our eye colour), a food allergy, or a personality trait (like being particular about cleanliness or having a quick temper).